Things Professors Say: Fall 2018 Edition

“I’m just kidding. But take me seriously.”

Student: “I hate Harry Potter. Professor: “Well Harry Potter hates you too.”

“There’s a joke I could tell y’all about this… but I’m not going to.”

“Life is pain.”

“My street name is… Ice Tray. What do you think?”

“See you next week, unless my children are trying to murder each other, which is always a possibility.”

“Alright ladies and germs…”

“Okay… well I guess for this to work would require you guys to actually know what’s up.”

Student: “you’re a psychologist, right?”

Professor: ” What’s left of him.”

“I once had an argument with someone about whether or not soy sauce counted as water damage.” (To a book)

“If you went to see your dentist and they were wearing buttless chaps and playing the guitar, would you feel comfortable with that?”

“Everyone deserves a second chance, or three.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Things Professors Say: Fall 2018 Edition

  1. “Life is pain” LOL! That one is in frequent use at ours. When the dogs get in trouble and do their nobody loves me I’m never fed and my whole life is pain. You just don’t understand.. Life is pain *Flicks fringe out of eyes

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The time I fell out with Razz and was splitting up – full divorce job and everything because he bit Sparky on the arse and tried to nick his hay and I went nuclear and took all his hay off him.

      “LIfe is pain… I’m always the one that gets in trouble. Don’t even know why I’m alive my whole life.. pain”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. When I ask Sam to load up the dishwasher and he’s that way out “OH MY GOD I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE WHY WAS I BORN?? MY WHOLE LIFE – PAIN!!”

        Liked by 1 person

    2. He said he read that one in a yoga book and thought it was funny, so he just kept saying it to us at random times. “I say it to my daughter all the time” is what he told us. Seeing as his daughter is five years old, it cracked me up. I’m just sitting there imagining:
      “Dad, can I have this toy?”
      “No, you don’t need any more toys.”
      “But I want it!”
      “Life is pain.”
      Life is pain LOL

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s how we use “Ur Mum” in ours too. Just randomly after the most simple statement that makes no sense we’ve been running with the Ur Mum joke for years. Never gets old.

        Mark came out with in a meeting once and he’s a proper grown up with a serious job.

        Someone went “OK so you’re doing this… he’s doing that and erm…. Mark what will you be doing?”

        “Ur Mum”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I feel like there was a similar thing with “your face” for a while there, which I like to do with commercials because I always talk back to the people on commercials.
        Daily Burn commercial: “I’m so tired of these random online workouts…”
        Me: “your face is a random online workout.”
        Home Advisor commercial: “My mom is getting older and it’s harder for her to do things around the house…”
        Me: “your face is getting older.”

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Haha! Never heard the “Your Face” one before but I do like it.

        Sam’s more recent throwaway remark is “Fat Bitch”

        If he’s making a coffee and you ask him to pour you one –

        “No cos you’re a fat bitch. *Walks over and gets right up close. FAT. BITCH”

        Don’t know why that’s so funny cos it shouldn’t be but it is. There’s an African Grey on one of the dank bird meme clips whose owner asks something and after a long delay…

        “Fat Bitch”

        Sounds just like him.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. And the ever changing names for Fleety Fat-Boi. He’s actually lost a fair bit of a weight but the names have stuck for good.

        Round and Regal.
        Wide Wonder
        Spherical Son.
        Fat.
        Obese Oblong.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I am the destroyer of boots. (We call them boots here for some reason, though I think wellies sounds better.) Every pair I get ends up with holes in them or they just split open at the heel. I don’t know what I do to them, it just happens.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s pot luck with wellies. I bought a cheap pair from the gardening centre that cost £5 and they lasted me six years. Bought a more expensive pair that are designed to take everything and they split after 3 weeks. Wouldn’t mind but I only walk on grass and straw. The soles only touch a hard surface when I’m driving or walking to and from the car or grass and hay which is too much for an expensive hard wearing pair of wellies apparently.

        Liked by 1 person

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